Three Pronged Power Outlets
Three Pronged Power Outlets: Good Idea, or Secret Government Coverup?
Brian Maisler
Everyone has heard of Area 51, Roswell, and the infamous Jodi Foster cover-up. But here is a conspiracy, and government blunder you won't read about in the papers. Electrical engineers and silverware manufactures have been in cahoots with the government in a cover up of monumental proportions for several decades now.
It all started back in the 1950's shortly after the end of WWII. At that point in history, plug manufacturing was pretty much unregulated, but as tensions between the US and the USSR were on the rise. Feeling a war was eminent, the Secretary of Defense called an emergency meeting with America's top electrical-plug manufacturers. The contents of the meeting were kept classified for reasons of national security. Recently these files have leaked out over the internet, blowing the governments cover.
At the meeting, it was revealed that the USSR was using a two-pronged electrical plug for all of their military equipment. At that time, the U.S. government had been mapping out possible situations for a war with Russia, and had found a critical weakness in our defense system. It was conceivable that the Russians could re-build a land bridge over the Bering Straights, proving them a direct route into Alaska. Ever since it's purchase in 1951, no one has paid much attention to Alaska, so its loss would not be crucial. At that time it was a well know fact that Canada sucks, and it was predicted that the country would then fall with in an hour of Alaska being captured.
Russian Two Pronged Plug
Defenses in most Canada-neighboring states were relatively strong. Mainly because it was feared that during WWII, Canada would fall to the axis powers, with out them even setting foot North America Soil because, as afore mentioned, Canada sucks. There was one exception however, and that was Montana. The main defense force of Montana, even at that time, consisted mainly of lunatics in shacks. Which needless to say, would not stand for long against the Russian ground forces, but longer then Canada would have.
Once in Montana, the Russians would probably set up a forward command post for their North American theater operations. This is where the plug manufactures came in. The government theorized that if America were to create a three pronged outlet, the Russians would not be able to power there military equipment, and thus their forces rendered impotent. This sounded like a good idea to all the geeks, I mean electrical engineers. Plus they got government grants, and come on, would you turn down free money? So after 3 years of development, the three-pronged outlet was released and within the month became widely used through out the United States as shown by the graph below:
As you can see, meat did well in the toys category, but did very poorly in the meat category. This could quite possibly be explained by the fact that people in the meat category were very used to having meat, and therefore not excited by the proposition of getting more. In contrast, toys did well across all categories, and waste was also equally distributed, but with lack-luster results.
Problems arose however when people began to mistake forks, which at that time commonly had only three prongs, for electrical plugs. This inevitably led to many, many people sticking the forks into the sockets. This fact is surprising because forks are in no way shaped like electrical sockets, and in fact the only thing they have in common is that they have three prongs and are metal. But none the less, people found ways of sticking them into electrical sockets and this was a problem. So much so that it necessitated the intervention of the government, again. So a second meeting was called between the Secretary of Defense and electrical plug manufactures, but this time the silverware manufactures were present as well. It was clear that a solution had to be developed in which electrical outlets and forks would not have the same number of prongs, thus solving the prong-in-socket problem. Various solutions were thrown around, including but not limited to, a two pronged fork, a five pronged socket, and an experimental youth mind control television program called "The Teletubbies".
At the end of the meeting it was decided that electrical outlets would continue to be manufactured with three prongs, because it was feared that the Russians might be able to convert a four pronged outlet into two, two pronged outlets, thereby doubling their military potential. So the fork manufactures, not wanting to decrease the number of prongs per fork, decided it would be best to go with a four pronged fork instead. Things continued this way until the 1970's.
The exact year is unknown, but on September 14, 1972 a rouge electric plug manufacturing plant in Kentucky began to produce two pronged plugs. At first, they were almost exclusively used in Kentucky, so no one really noticed for some time. That is until they began to spread eastward and found their way into the nation's capital city. Within months, Washingtonians were using two pronged plugs left and right, and it was clear something must be done. The government tried to persecute the two pronged manufactures under the cover of Senator Joseph McCarthy's Unamerican Activities Committee. Persecuting hundreds of two pronged electrical plug manufactures under the cover story that they were "members of the communist party". This event was particularly ironic being that the McCarthy Trials began in 1950 and ended around 1955.
Anyway, the use of two pronged plugs grew amongst the pacifist movement protesting the war in Vietnam, and soon became common throughout the country. Up until the fall of the Berlin wall in 1989 and the collapse of the USSR shortly later, there was nothing the government could do to stop the spread of the two pronged plug. Once the threat of Communist invasion was over, the government was perfectly content to sweep this whole matter under the rug.
In closing, I would like to say that the Teletubbies are evil and must be destroyed.
--Brian Maisler